The Disillusionment Trap: Why ‘Normal’ Will Never Lead to True Success!

Disillusionment is the disappointing realization that something is not what you expected or believed it to be.

Essentially it's you changing your mind about something...

Your career? A relationship with someone? Or even your opinion about a movie or tv show.

You’ve changed your mind but somehow you feel worse.

You feel alone and isolated like a penguin separated from the group and left to freeze in the ice of its own realisation.

This change goes against what the majority of other people think and this creates a sense of fear and discomfort as you feel exposed.

You now have to explain yourself to every other person you come across who expects you to be on the same wavelength as them.

You're constantly having to bear the weight of their expectation. Then you get fed up and just avoid talking about your realization altogether.

Maybe they’ll understand, maybe they won’t but either way its extra effort which wouldn’t be necessary if you were just normal and followed the status quo.

Your mind has changed, meaning you’ve changed, but everyone around you is still the same.

So what do you do?

If you opt to do nothing and maintain your normal life of normalcy you're falling into the disillusionment trap.

And this is where so many people can get stuck until they realise what I’m going to share with you now.

What is 'Normal'?

Humans are social animals that are evolved to group together for safety. This is why being normal is such a big deal for most people.

But what actually is normal?

The idea of 'normal' comes from the concept of normal distribution.

Graphically this is represented as the classic bell shaped curve. This shows the number of people within a group on the y axis against a specific variable those people have on the x axis.

For example if we measured the heights of a group of people most peoples heights are clustered in the middle, and the outliers are at the edges.

So the people who are outliers are seen as short or tall related to the normal people in the middle.

Mathematically speaking this is fine. Normal is just a mathematical term.

But what society often does is cast outliers as 'weird' or 'freaks', it prefers people who fit into the middle.

For example when we think of ‘normal’ career paths we’re referring to career paths that the majority of people take. That definition of normal, of being in the middle protects you from being deemed a weirdo sure.

But it doesn’t actually give you any advantage in terms of being successful.

Once you've matured past seeking social status, fitting into the norm actually reduces your chances of longterm success.

So you’ve gotta ask yourself do you want to be normal or do you want to be successful?

Outliers

Look at famous successful people.

The likes of:

• Albert Einstein
• Thomas Edison
• Steve Jobs
• Elon Musk
• Oprah Winfrey

They were all considered outliers, unconventional, or even crazy. They faced harsh judgment until they achieved success, at which point society started admiring them.

I remember seeing a clip of Michael B Jordan being interviewed by a reporter he recognized from his high school.

In the clip he called her out for basically bullying and making fun of him for being the ‘corny’ kid in high school.

Which was obviously related to him expressing his true self and doing the things that lead to his eventual success and celebrity status.

But in the interaction you could see how much she'd hurt him and how he’d had to struggle against that judgement as a high school kid, cos he was like 'who’s corny now!’

It was like watching him have his moment of vindication after all those years.

The Impact of Societal Judgement

This fear of judgment can be paralysing. People often suppress their true selves to fit in.

And its this conformity that traps you from becoming successful by walking your own unique path independent of other people.

There’s also this attitude that some people have where they actively deny wanting to be successful because they don’t want to do things that make them stand out.

These are the same people that judge the hardest or make fun of other people who are trying to fulfil their unique potential.

That judgement cast on other people is just reflected back on them because its trapping them from making the most of their life.

It comes down to this-- given the option for instant success without having to go outside the norm they would take it.

"If we value independence, if we are disturbed by the growing conformity of knowledge, of values, of attitudes, which our present system induces, then we may wish to set up conditions of learning which make for uniqueness, for self-direction, and for self-initiated learning."

– Carl Rogers

 

How to Escape the Disillusionment Trap 

Here’s the key elements:

1) Embrace your uniqueness 

2) Understand being an outlier isn’t a bad thing.

3) Understand you can’t be truly successful by sticking to a mould that’s not built for your unique potential.

You’ve gotta build your own.

4) Don’t be afraid to showcase what makes you different.

Try this thought activity to begin putting this all into practice:

Think about one thing that makes you different among the people you spend the most time with.

This is probably something you’ve been hiding because you’re afraid of being judged for it. And its also something that you feel deep down inside would bring you joy and have a positive impact on the world.

What I want you to do is Embrace it and Celebrate it like its the greatest gift in the world!

You don’t need to go and scream it from the top of the roofs. But at least try turning the volume up slightly instead of completely muting it.

If you do this you'll get the push you need to take those opportunities that you’ve been ignoring:

Those opportunities might be:

• Going to that new class by yourself and making new friends
• Visiting the travel destination you’ve always wanted to go to.
• Starting your own youtube channel talking about stuff that inspires you.
• Starting your own niche book or film club.

You might be surprised how your perspective changes once you let go of the desire for normal and step out of the group.

Being ‘normal’ only traps and fixes you to one particular group. And if you don’t happen to be extremely similar to that group then all of your unique interests and passions will languish. 

You have to keep stepping out until you no longer feel the desire to be normal.

In the process of doing this not only will you become truly successful but you will be among people who will love you for the uniqueness of who you truly are.

Challenge yourself to embrace your inner outlier.

I know its not easy trust me, but its worthwhile.

That’s all for now

Lewis