Understanding Disillusionment and How to Turn It to Your Advantage

Have you ever had that jarring realization when reality doesn’t match up to your expectations?

It feels like your whole world is crumbling around you. You've seen the truth with your own eyes but it feels like some kind of night mare ––

You know the ones where you wake up in your own bed and just do your normal mundane routine only to notice something offkey, followed by something really scary happening and you’re like,

‘Oh I’m still asleep this is a nightmare’.

Well this my friend this is not a nightmare this is real life Disillusionment.

And Tupac said it best, “Things will never be the same”

Maybe you thought your dream job would be fulfilling, but it turned out to be a grind.

I remember watching CPR and defibrillation in dramatic TV shows like Greys Anatomy and being inspired to be a doctor so I could save peoples lives. Then I realised that only like 7% of people survive cardiac arrest and it’s a significantly more brutal action than Hollywood actors can portray.

You experience disillusionment regularly as a natural part of moving through life. Some moments are deeper than others.

These moments create a psychological and emotional shift which can be tough, but they also signal a great opportunity for change.

New rules

Think of it like this: the game you thought you were playing has changed, and now there are new rules.

I remember when I was 13 my school organised a basketball tournament. This was amazing for me because I loved playing basketball. But basketball is generally much less popular in England than football so no one was any good.

I made a team of my friends and showed them how to play. At the same time the competitive football guys who were planning to win the tournament were strategising in the playground. They were like,

“we need to find a goal keeper, no one wants to be the goal keeper for our basketball team”…

I was stood there thinking 'what are you talking about?' But my own competitiveness kicked in, it played to my advantage because I knew they would fail.

I knew they would fail because they were trying to apply the rules of football in a different context to a completely different game.

It was never going to work and this is essentially where a lot of people get stuck in life as well.

We cling to what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable.

But in a new game with new rules, these familiar strategies and approaches will lead to frustration and unhappiness.

We have to adapt to avoid falling into the trap of old strategies. 

Not Adapting to Disillusionment 

Not adapting to your new reality can have serious consequences.

Feeling stuck and unfulfilled can lead to perpetual unhappiness and even depression.

Many people choose to stay in dead end jobs or toxic relationships because they’re familiar even though not fulfilling.

I didn’t twig for a long time that it was possible for me to have a job that I loved where I wasn’t being abused by a broken and corrupt system that didn’t really care about me.

But eventually I started paying attention because I was tired of taking Ls. I created a strategy that helped me to feel true to myself and win in the new game I was playing. 

Here's what I learnt.

How to use Disillusionment to your Advantage 

1) Recognise the Shift

When disillusionment hits, it’s crucial to recognise that you’re experiencing a shift.

Just like you would when recognising your asleep and you’re not actually having to fight you’re way through hoards of zombies with your bare hands!

Take notice of what’s making you feel off and start to get curious about where its coming from.

You’ll feel like your old beliefs and expectations are being challenged. This is where you have to let them go and start studying the rules of the new game.

2) Embrace the New Game

Embrace the new game you find yourself in. Accept that things have changed and its time for a new approach.

Start by openly acknowledging your feelings of disillusionment.

Its okay to feel lost or confused. You don’t have to put on a front and act all confident like you know what you’re doing, it will just make it worse. People will think you’re coping well and therefore will just pile more shit onto you.

This opportunity calls for a reset so you can:

• Figure out your values
• Define the outcome you want to have in the new game
• Develop a new strategy

3) Developing New Strategies

Being flexible and open minded is key here. If its your career path that isn’t fulfilling then maybe its time to explore different roles or industries. If a personal relationship isn’t working, consider new ways to communicate or, if necessary part ways.

The key is to align your strategies with the new reality your facing.

This new reality you’re in has a lot of uncertainty because you’ve never experienced it before.

It’s going to take courage to push past the anxiety and explore unchartered territory. And realistically its going to take time until you find the right strategy. This is tough but you have to remember your old strategy was developed after years and years.

You were just passively living life and having experiences that your brain interpreted and learnt from.

All you’re doing now is creating intentional experiences so that you can learn from them.

And this involves trial and error.

4) Learning from Failure

People become successful because they have failed repeatedly.

Failure is part of the package that comes with success, there’s no option of ordering success without it.

“Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be" - John Wooden

Don’t be afraid of failure, not everything will work out perfectly and that’s okay!

Failure is a great teacher but you’ve gotta be able to learn from it.

5) Building Resilience

Building resilience is crucial to navigating the rollercoaster of adapting to new realities.

Just to note ‘Resilience’ is a word that’s thrown about a lot towards General Practitioners as we fight for our lives day to day managing an insurmountable workload. So I feel slightly dirty using it.

But the resilience that I mean is a resilience towards a struggle you’ve chosen as you walk the path towards the life you want rather than firefighting a life that’s imposed on you.

Resilience can be boosted by:

• Practicing self care
• Maintaining a positive mindset
• Practicing Mindfulness Meditation
• Surrounding yourself with supportive people who want you to grow
• Journaling to increase self awareness of your own thoughts and feelings

6) Seek Support and Guidance

You’re not alone, there’s a lot of other people who have been through it or are going through it.

A phrase I find myself saying frequently as a GP when patients are seeking reassurance about life stress is just,

“Everybody goes through it”

Seek guidance from mentors, friends or professionals. Talking to someone who has been through similar experiences can provide valuable insights and encouragement.

Thinking about this makes me feel bad for not helping the football guys to learn basketball rules for the school tournament.

But I’m a Disillusionment coach now so I guess I’m making up for it karmically…

Outside direct human contact there are plenty of resources available from books, podcasts and online courses that’ll help you to ‘go through it’.

If you'd prefer speaking to a coach who's gone through it and heard countless other people going through it then reach out to me.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Adapting to new realities and embracing disillusionment leads to personal growth and a more fulfilling life.

It might be challenging at first, but the rewards are worth it. You’ll find yourself more aligned with your true values and goals, leading to greater happiness and success.

Remember in every new game the key to winning is adapting to the rules!

Thats all for now 

Lewis