Overcoming The Fear of Upsetting Others By Leaving Medicine

The Struggle of Living According to Others' Beliefs

Have you ever felt the weight of other people’s expectations on your shoulders?

The pressure to meet expectations is a massive part of the life of healthcare professionals.

Its not just patients whose lives depend on you.

Expectations are part of the fabric of society. They can come from the unspoken pressure to follow a certain career path, to meet certain standards, or to adhere to beliefs that don’t truly align with who you are.

For many of us, in well respected, morally righteous, high demand professions like medicine, there’s a pervasive fear of being judged for making a change.

Society often tells you that success is defined by following a specific path. And when you dare to step away from that path, it can feel like you’re breaking some unwritten rule.

A good example of this in popular culture is when doctors in American TV shows dramatically exclaim, “I swore an oath!” Whilst heroically soldiering through career related trauma.

It’s as if the act of leaving medicine is going to result in Hippocrates descending from the heavens and smiting you!

I recently experienced these societal beliefs firsthand, and it brought me to a profound realisation about happiness, beliefs, and personal freedom.

A Conversation with My Nana

A few months ago, I made the decision to leave my career in medicine completely. I had reached the point of full investment in my new life and new identity as a coach.

While it was a choice I made for my own well-being and happiness, it wasn’t without its challenges.

One of the most significant hurdles I faced was the fear of disappointing my family.

Even as someone who tends not to care what other people think of me, there was trepidation about the reaction of certain family members.

My Nana in particular, she’s someone who’d always viewed medicine as the ultimate noble and fulfilling career.

When I told her of my decision to pursue an alternative path, her reaction was as straightforward as ever:

“If you were my son, I’d be very upset.”

At first, I was taken aback by the bluntness of her words.

But there was no malice behind them, only love.

As I let her words sink in, something unexpected happened. Instead of feeling hurt or defensive, I felt a sense of compassion and amusement.

My Nana’s response wasn’t about me personally – it was a reflection of her own deeply ingrained beliefs about the world.

For her, medicine was the pinnacle of purpose and fulfilment. She couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to let that go of that.

But here’s the key: her words were not a judgment on me or my choices. They were rooted in her experiences, her worldview, and her understanding of what constituted a "successful" life for a child AND by extension their parent.

In that moment, I realised something incredibly freeing – I wasn’t responsible for changing her beliefs, nor was I responsible for living my life according to them.

Her reaction mirrored the societal beliefs that often hold us back from pursuing the lives we truly want.

It’s the unspoken stigma of "abandoning" a certain path or a certain way of life.

And in that moment, I understood the importance of breaking free from those expectations – of creating a life that is truly aligned with MY values.

I’m grateful for her honesty. I guess she knows me well enough to know I could take it and was sending me a message I needed to receive to move on and continuing growing!

How to Overcome the Fear of Breaking Others’ Beliefs

Courtesy of my Nana I came up with a few key insights for you if you’re struggling with the pressure to conform to others’ beliefs or expectations:

1. Your Happiness Comes First

When it comes to your life, your happiness should always be your top priority. Don’t fall for the trap of believing this is selfish– because what makes you happy can still serve other people.

Sacrificing yourself and feeling miserable is not noble. Sacrificing yourself because it genuinely makes you happy IS noble.

Stop trying to act like a saint, you’re not Jesus, you can’t just skip to that level by burning yourself out in a traditional healthcare career.

Yeah, I went there, but it’s a fundamental truth so many of us forget.

We get caught up in the expectations of our parents, our friends, and society at large. We feel obligated to live according to what others think is good for us – even if it means sacrificing our own joy.

But the reality is this: you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions.

So, when faced with a choice that impacts your happiness, put your own feelings first.

Ask yourself: Does this decision make me happy? Does it align with my values? If the answer is no, then it’s time to reconsider.

2. People Can Be Upset for Themselves But Happy for You

My Nana wasn’t upset because I was making the wrong decision; it was because she couldn’t understand why I would leave something she held in such high regard.

And that’s the key: other people’s reactions to your decisions are about their own beliefs and experiences. They are not a reflection of you or your worth. If they feel upset, it’s often because your choices challenge their view of the world. But this doesn’t mean they are unhappy for you. Deep down, most people want the best for us – even if they don’t always understand the path we choose.

3. Beliefs Are Personal

Just because someone else has a strong belief about what you should do with your life doesn’t mean you have to adopt that belief. Your values, experiences, and vision for your future are unique to you. Don’t let someone else’s belief system dictate your happiness or your choices.

Remember: your beliefs are yours, and theirs are theirs. Respect that difference and don’t feel obligated to live according to someone else’s standards.

4. You’re Not Responsible for Changing Others’ Beliefs

It’s natural to want the people we love to understand and support our decisions. However, it’s important to remember that we are not responsible for changing someone else’s beliefs – nor should we try to impose our beliefs on them.

If you’re making a change in your life that others don’t understand, that’s okay. As long as you are true to yourself, you are on the right path. You don’t have to convince anyone that your choices are right for you. Your life is yours to live, and you don’t need permission from anyone to live it authentically.

5. You Are Responsible for Your Own Happiness

At the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for your happiness. It’s up to you to create a life that aligns with your values, passions, and potential. If you feel unfulfilled in your current path, it’s never too late to make a change. Whether it’s changing careers, pursuing a new passion, or simply setting new boundaries, you have the power to create a life that feels right for you.

Final thoughts

Its not easy to be authentic in a world that expects you to conform. But it gets easier I promise and once you’ve broken free from those pressures you can create a life that is aligned with your own happiness and values.

When you love your authentic self, you can see the people who love you for who you are rather than what they want you to be.

If you’re struggling with the fear of disappointing others or living according to someone else’s beliefs, remember this: your happiness comes first.

It’s time to start living for yourself. You deserve it.

Stay Healthy

Lewis

Have you ever struggled with pursuing your happiness because of someone else’s beliefs or expectations? How did you navigate it? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Feel free to connect with me on Linked-In and send me a direct message – I’m here to listen and support you on your journey.

P.S